The Heartstrings of an Angel

I miss you

But I can’t tell you

And I love you

But I’m not allowed to

I want to hold you

Hug you tight, even tighter

I want to caress your hair with my hand

Feeling each touch as it gets lighter

And I want to drink hot chocolate

And to dance with you on a rainy day

Wrap you with the cashmere that I made myself

And watch the fire burn and play

I’d like to press my lips in your neck

Even if your cuddle makes me gasp for air

I’d like to feel the weight of your arm on my waist

And reminisce the warmth that we share.

And this fantasy could go on as I want to

For only in here I can make them come true

But one day, I’ll find a way

For this to happen: the kiss, the hug, the play.

This is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS. Type what comes to your mind first whenever you hear these 50 words. Don’t think and don’t go back and change. Doesn’t matter how random,
just type it! Repost it for all of your friends.

1. Beer: drunkard guys get drunkard girls

2. Food: cerealicious: mona kissa smile

3. Relationships: are nothing without faith and love

4. Your CRUSH: he resembles someone from my past

5. Power Rangers: I used to watch their movie over and over again when I was like 4 years old

6. Life: one heck wonderful blessing

9. The President: “ay em soree.”

10. Yummy: Ira Cruz

11. Cars: they make ugly men look or at least feel like they are hot

12. Movies: are not allowed for the Baptists. But I disobey.

13. Halloween: vacation somewhere in Pinas

14. Sex: has been a medicine for most.

15. Religion: Born-again and Baptists differ as they say.

16. Myspace: awful

17. Fear: sharp objects, ten-wheeler trucks, and roaches freakin give me peeerrrr.

18. marriage: this’ll be the first time I’ll cry in public

19. Blondes: dumblonde. Ms. Carolina that is. http://gofugyourself.typepad.com

20. SLIPPERS: Havaianas

21. SHOES: my collection. I have more than 40 pairs.

22. Asians: proud to be one.

23: Pass time: is it the time when you passed out?

24. One night stands: something that I’ll never do.

25: Cell Phone: where’s mine?

27: Smoke: very irritating when I am driving and someone shells out cigar and thus producing smoke

28: FANTASY: have 8 kids

29: COLLEGE: is an escape

30: Highschool Life: makes me darn crazy and stubborn

31. Pyjamas: rainy days, hot milo, and someone to cuddle who’s also in pyjamas.*sigh*

32. stars: a song by callalily which I dedicate to Mhy

33.

Fitness

Center

: smells guys and sweat

34. Alcohol: isopropyl makes me feel safe

35. The word love: is a joke

36. Friends: are unfaithful, sisters and brothers are not.

37. Money: shopping/traveling

38. Heartache: humors me after the tears came

39. Time: I don’t have one to consider

40. Divorce: something that my parents might ponder having

41. Dogs: hugs and licks; gave me my first kiss on the lips

42. UndiES: wedgies!

43. Parents: I don’t get along with them right now

44. Babies: are my weakness. Just one smile from them and I’m like “I could die right now!”

45. Stripper: good girls act like one when no one sees them.

46.Blogs: something that I’ll use for our church’s youth

47. News: “excuse me po!”

48. Weddings: Batanes is the perfect place to be, with only ‘his’ family and bestfriend and my family and my bestfriends to attend.

49. Pizza: Yellowcab with Kuya Olit and Nyq last night.

50. kleenex: what’s with that?

And i’d like to escape.. Far from worries. Far from me. And i’d like to dive in. To many happy thoughts and groovy songs. I want to be alone. To cry without someone hearing me. To experience peace. To live. The pain burns me so much, knowing that the person that you’ve always wanted to be with is now the one you’re annoyed seeing. I quiver when he speaks or orders me to get coffee for him. I seem to sweat whenever he asks me questions. And I tend to be a hypocrite whenever i laugh with him. Since that family tragedy took its toll on me, I don’t think i’ll be capable to function as a whole once more. This isn’t just another motionless emotion. It’s moving. And it pricks me. It’s actually hard to share this to whoever reads this. But i want an anonymous outlet. i don’t want to run to my friends again. i might just ruin their weekend. this time, it’s all about me…and my heart.

i want to eat these emotions away.

for all those who wonder…just check out my Multiply account for that thing with Heart and Echo. I was almost done with the blogging when this stupid laptop got haywired.ARGH!!

www.loleetah.multiply.com

just click above. you can check it out even if you don’t have an account in Multiply. I’ll do the blog again. Yea.