I’ll be found in you
Sometimes, it really isn’t the person that you’re breaking up with; or rather saying letting go of. Sometimes, it’s just really giving up on trying to have an uncomplicated life with him.
You want him to be there with you, look at him and try to synchronize your heart with the world. And, gosh, to see him fade away is just plain unfair. Half of your day you think about how it would have been if you just held tighter on his hands. The thinking alone swallows you up. To hide from what you truly feel is just beyond what you can reach. And no matter how you hit your thighs with your fists, the pain that your heart gives still reigns supreme.
You wanted to run. Hoping and praying that the thoughts about him will just be gone with the wind. You try not to falter, balancing your body with the weight of emotions that flow in your veins. But then, after such gasping for air, you broke down and ended up crying. You know it’s a stupid thing to kneel on the hot ground and let your tears be pulled by gravity. But there’s nothing else left to do. There’s nothing with sense you think you could do.
It’s weird, you know he might think. You were the one who decided to cut the line that connects both of you. You wanted to blame yourself for this. You just wanted the world to eat you up so that heartaches will be nothing.
But the day after the night of endless crying, you found the birds singing, all flowers and trees sang out for your victory. The heavens stopped raining for once. The clouds were so amazing that you wanted to eat one. You knew right away that this day, you’ll be able to find yourself again which you lost when you fell in love with him. It’s glorious. It’s touching in a positive way.
Of course, it won’t be easy for me to fall out of love. And I admit that I still feel something for him.
But I also don’t want to be chased by his shadows. I want to find my own. I want to linger alone in solitude with an exceeding joy. I want to break free and just, you know, try to live happily.
