The Heartstrings of an Angel

Talks. I love letting my mouth and my heart reach out to people dear to me. I have this sort of talent which is talking rapidly but giving people the clarity. That saves me time. But anyway, here are just some of the conversations that I had today. Some may not appear as a biggie, but I see all of them as whispers from God.

The Early Bird. I had a talk thru sms with my cousin in LA. It was 1 in the afternoon there and

5am

here. She was in the bathroom, taking a breath from her PE class’s long run, so she texted me. It was a very early call for words. But I didn’t care. Surprising, though, because I’m not a morning person. Not at all. Maybe I just missed her that much so words gently and continuously came out my mind. The conversation was expensive. A 15pesos per message. Argh! Kung di ko lang talaga sya mahal…

The Elections. Our class had the fastest election this year. Thanks to our guys who all had the same votes.

The Meeting1. I did a script for our MAPEH class project in filming a year ago. It was to supposed to be executed last March, but hadn’t gotten the time to do so. We talked today about making another set of film. Things went haywire because we were informed that we had to make the settings to only one place—the school grounds. Ugh!

The Meeting2. I had a new idea for the ‘another’ film. I took the Amanda Bynes movie She’s the Man as an inspiration. I wanted to make the script but our teacher didn’t allow me. Ako na daw kasi gumawa nung isa. Pero…..Argh!!! I wanna be the playwright of both of the films! Why can’t she just let me? *SOB!*

Belai Teary-eyed Talk. I had the touchiest talk today with a close friend. She hasn’t told me about her secrets for months, and I’m happy they all burst out to me finally.  I liked the moment when I was tapping her back. I hugged her too at least thrice this day. For me, hugs are cheesy and perfect when depression rises. She sees them that way too.

Tetelicious Chatter. Another converse with the other close friend. Yeah, she hadn’t spoke to me for months about her secrets, too. She spilled one of many today. We screamed, laughed, and just enjoyed cursing a person that she hates. Kiddin’. We don’t curse. We say mean words. But we don’t curse.

The Nads-GIz-Jox Tandem. The three of us finally got together after the exam week. We talked about first loves, THEIR exes, and love love love. Yeah. We’re all former hopeless romantics and current feminists. We just hate boys!!! Well, except for Giz who’s still in cloud9.haha!

The RHGP Meeting. We talked about our plans for the upcoming Febfair. My bestfriend Nik and I took the center stage with the motifs. We didn’t exactly finished each other’s sentences, but we both used the benefit being loyalists to the GMTA(read: Great Minds Think Alike) clan. I love her. And I hope she understands why I wanted the Bubblegum-theme more than her Luau plan.

The Dino-saur Attack. I had a very short talk with Dino the Dinosaur. We swiftly discussed stuffs about school and other schools. I’m sorry, I can’t tall you guys! We hardly talk about serious stuffs so I treasure this one that I just had. My Privacy comes in.

So much for your Ultimate Chatterbox!!

God bless sa inyong sariling mga usapan…Magandang gabi. Matulog ng mahigpit. xp

God showers me with blessings in the strangest ways!

I was having a wonderful lunch with my mom, my sibs, and a family friend in Max’s MOA last Saturday. I was pleading my mom to buy me a new phone. I hate my soap-like mobile and just want to throw it away. The last time she bought me a mob was when my bag was taken away from me by a bad guy. So I told myself discreetly, “di ako bibilhan ni mommy until di ‘to nawawala e.” I was so upset that I went out the restaurant without them. I headed toward my sister and her yaya. I took Akyna then the three of us went inside several boutiques around the area. I was about to text my mom to let her know where we are, but to my surprise (and other people’s, too), my phone is GONE. Totally gone! God heard my prayers… LOL. So now, I have a better reason to tell my mom why she really has to buy me a new one. Anyway, she fell in with my pa-awa effect and bought me a mob. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted. But I’m already satisfied having that cruel phone away from me. It’s got so many memories. I finally detached from it.

Another piece of the scrumptious Chocolatey Blessing-sprinkled cake from God!

P.S

To my friends, message me about your numbers. I don’t have them on my Smart Sim card. Thanks. I’ll wait for your responses.

I’m too much generous in giving love. I never knew how I’ve been putting my heart at stake with what I’m doing. There were times when I get ditched by people dear to me. Those times were extremely painful for me. So now, I’d have to give up the bighearted me. I don’t want to do that. But it’s for my own heart’s good. I’ll have this rule starting now:

Thou shall not give your heart away to people unworthy of it.

It’s funny, yet it’s sarcastic. Have you experienced the longest crying time that you could ever bear? I did. It was just last night. I actually had one before. But this has gone beyond what my eyes could take. I ran out of tears actually. I revealed the crybaby in me without being aware of it. It appeared as if someone stole my last piece of chocolate. With all my heart I sobbed my prayers to my Father. Really. They were the loudest prayers that I proclaimed to God in my entire life. The most used words were ‘sorry’ and ‘comfort me’. I adored that time despite the heartaches. I wouldn’t have been able to feel reality biting me to bits. Praise God; for last night has been a wonderfully painful moment for me. I don’t like it any other way. Yes, I am now ready to walk with God after being carried by Him for an extensive time.

Things went haywire. I no longer became able to bear the sacrifices and pain that were given to me. Although, they weren’t supposed to be taken alone, I had no choice. That ‘somebody’ who asked me to stop freaking out is actually the reason I’m blogging my feelings now. ARGH!!!!!!

You may not understand the stuffs that I’m telling you now, but would you mind giving me a hug? Okay, I’m sounding oblivious. But to Niq, Anne, Eesh, Hanch, Belai, Mari, Meg, NiKebAn, Nadz, Daidai, ta Mitz, Loraine, and ate Sherrie, can you extend your arms for me and give me the tightest hug?? Am getting desperate. Sigh.

i don’t want to give you up…

but why are YOU making it easy for me to do so??

i woke up quite unwell today so i didn’t go to school.

am so bored here…

i read the famous Anne Frank novel on and on.

i watched If Only too for the 5th time.

ate burgers…sweet chili…and…uh,…milo…

so you see, i’m so bummed.

I got so bored with Chemistry that I began to write poems for my classmates’ memoir. This is what I do when the hour is such a bummer. I was chatting with Honey as I flip through the pages of my Chem notebook. Then I noticed how the back pages of that notebook were filled with my writings! I can’t remember when I did those. A topic occupied 5 back-to-back pages, and it’s weird ’cause what I wrote is this: When death comes to me, who are the ones that I’ll be thankful for?

I am morbid pala when I get bored.haha! but anyway, I was more shocked with the names that I wrote there. I won’t be mentioning any. I hate gossips.

’nuff for that.

I browsed more. And I found poems that I wrote in the past.

I’ve lost my words

the way my thought floats

hatred boiled me with love

the truth became so hard to grab.

yea, I walk with the moon and stars

but the solitude seemed so harsh

i hate it, when they sway me around

when it’s not in your heart I am to bound.

3:59pm 13Nov2005

i’m locked in, good enough to break

with this timy glow i live for his sake

i’m getting insane with the sun for a night

i got deaf when you sang me goodnight.

ilife got me on my knees

evil had a week to be a beast

it’s just you who i blame

you left me, and i just became so lame…

4:01pm 13Nov2005

i guess i was so much desperate that day. perhaps, it’s because of him. now don’t ask me who that is.

i loved only once.

so there’s no such question for me as ‘who among them?’

you know who you are…please stop ignoring me like this. i’m so sorry for what happened to us in the past…

hadn’t this occured to your mind, that after such a long time we still have the same feelings that we felt 2 years ago?

I was having a hard time focusing on doing brother’s memoir(don’t tell anyone about this ha! Hehe). So I went on-line and viewed my profile in this account for like the nth time! I saw Meg has a new blog. I plan to give her another testimonial to tell her that I’m missing those rainy days that we were together. But I noticed a picture of this girl with the name ‘teTTa’. Then I found out it’s Chot pala. Oh, the famous Chot! Haha! So anyway, I checked out her blog. The titles intrigued me, honestly! I didn’t intend to read them all. But she writes so nice that I couldn’t help myself! Her heart really speaks on her blog. Really! Ewan ko ba. But I’m really grateful having the chance to notice her titles. I wanted to comment to almost all her blogs. Pero ayoko. Weird? E kasi po baka yung mga stereotypes dyan e mag-isip ng kung ano… you know who you are. Haha!manakot ba daw. Haha!

        But really, that girl is beautiful inside out. I was touched with what she wrote. Especially this:

I found him… I lost myself…

I lost him… I found myself…

It’s so true!! Haha!

P.S.(for Chot)

May the Lord continually shower you with comfort & love. And I wish that you’ll have the most romantic walks with Him.

You’ve been not around for days and I’m missing you a lot. I don’t know the reasons why you’re avoiding me. Probably it’s our state that continually confuses both of us. I know dear. It’s complicated. I’m sorry but I only have one method that could relieve my broken heart. It’s being friends with you.

It was much more painful than i expected. I had to make friendships with you because I want you to abide with me. I’m sorry. But it’s really the only thing that could make you stay.

I’m still praying for that day. The day when I’ll be able to give you the notebook where I’ve put the lines that I liked from the novel that I’m reading now. What if the right time is the time when God will take me home in the heavens? Will you come with me? Will you be so willing to leave EVERYTHING behind?

This is another public outburst of my emotions. I hope you people will understand. Actually, wala naman talaga kayong karapatan para mag-react sa mga sinasabi ko ngayon. It’s because what I’ve written here is not for you. It’s for this person who’s been ignoring me all this time. He might not even be reading this.

Now, don’t take such pity on me. It’s not what I need. He knows exactly I’ve been longing for all this time.

My Lord has ordered me to write here about these things. ‘Cause I really didn’t mean to!! Sigh. I’m now choking in tears… So lost in wonder.

P.S

Abide- 1 To continue, last, or endure. 2 To continue in place;stay;dwell;reside. 3 To look for; wait for.

Now that you know the meaning of the word, can I ask you once more?

Will you abide with me?

i’ll wait forever for your answer.